Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou?

Some while ago when turbodiesel sedans started to filter on to the SA market, it was almost obligatory for motoring writers to marvel at how oil-burners were no longer the fume-spewing sloths of yore. I know, because I began a good few pieces along those lines.

In the same vein, when writing about Alfa Romeos it seems almost compulsory to begin with a few remarks about how Alfas no longer spontaneously dissolve, and to perhaps throw in a few anecdotes about how you don’t so much buy one of these cars as court it, with all the accompanying expense.

Indeed, I was about to begin this piece with a long anecdote about my friend and colleague who adores his ageing 156 but has spent frankly hilarious sums maintaining it, while it has depreciated faster than a seafood platter left in the sun.

Then reality prevailed and I remembered that for quite a while now Alfas have been real-world cars. You don’t have to buy one just because you’re mad with passion for the marque, expense and inconvenience be damned.

What does remain true though is that no other car in the same price range has quite as much character.

Now the word “character” is often lazy shorthand for temperamental or unreliable, and is frequently applied to Italian cars.

But in this context take it to mean applying to the sort of machine you can fall in love with and develop a relationship with. The sort of machine that might actually motivate you to take the long way home – yes, I know that sounds like a cheesy advertising line. In short, the sort of machine that’s the antithesis of soulless – rather like the new Alfa Romeo Giulietta.

True, I only spent a few hundred kilometres with two of three variants of the car during the launch in the Franschhoek area, but that was enough to gauge that it makes some competitors in the C-segment, or Golf-class, seem almost sterile. Incidentally that doesn’t include the new Golf, which is one of Wolfsburg’s triumphs.

Topping the line-up, of course, is the turbo’ed 1750 TBi Quadrifoglio Verde at a whisker over R330 000 – and don’t you love that name? I mean, just say it out loud. It alone is worth buying the car for.

Of course, it’s very rapid with 173 kW on tap. As in 242 km/h and zero-to-100km/h in 6,8 seconds rapid.

Starting the line-up is the 1.4 TB Progression at R243 000. But my favourite was and is the MultiAir 1,4 TB Distinctive at R279 900.

It comes with the revolutionary little MultiAir petrol engine, obviously, and makes a spectacular 92 kW/litre and sips a claimed 4.6 litres/100 km in the extra-urban cycle.

Top trot is said to be 218 km/h – although I sometimes wonder why any car ever needs to exceed 120 km/h as that’s the posted national limit, is it not? – and zero-to-100km/h in a grin-inducing 7,8 seconds.

All of which rather blows that foolish “there aren’t no replacement for displacement” argument out of the water, and provides yet another signpost towards relatively small displacement, high-tech, high output motors, a concept that I fear Europeans are seeming quicker to embrace than South Africans.

Speaking of tech, just one Alfa innovation that drivers will revel in is the DNA selector. It’s standard across the range with three set-up functions: Dynamic, Normal and All Weather, basically modifying dynamics and performance accordingly.

Of course, on the test route my co-driver and I left the car almost exclusively in Dynamic – the most, well, dynamic of the settings, encouraging the Giulietta to be driven as all Alfas should be driven, which is with enthusiasm.

But back to the bit about reliability and longevity, which will still pose a stumbling block to those raised on braai-side horror stories of disintegrating Alfas Romeos.

The powers-that-be at Alfa are obviously aware of this, and the Giulietta, in both 1,4 guises, comes with a five-year, 150 000 km warranty, and a six-year, 90 000 km service plan, with services scheduled for every 30 000 km. The 1750 gets much the same deal, but with a six-year, 105 000 km service plan, and service intervals at a class-leading 35 000 km.

So yes, the Giulietta deserves to succeed in the SA market, both as a logical and an emotional choice, and not just as a niche player. Let’s see those sales figures in a few months down the line…