The organisation of CAR’s January 2008 Performance Issue was a complicated affair, but a phone conversation between colleague Hannes Oosthuizen, and an unfortunate carrier company representative, had us in stitches.Here’s how it all happened: Deputy Ed Oosthuizen was busy coordinating the cars you can drool over in our January 2008 issue. To this end there were plenty of logistical matters to arrange before we could even consider sliding behind the wheel of any of the assembled machinery.
Trying to coordinate the carriage of the ultra-rare European contingent, from Johannesburg to Upington, Hannes had called one of the country’s larger car carriers, late one October Wednesday. All went well, times, places of collection and delivery, number of vehicles, etc were pleasantly exchanged between Mr Easthouse (for those that don’t understand Afrikaans) and the friendly lady on the other end of the line. Then, it got interesting.
Carrier lady: Can you please tell me the names of the cars you would like to transport?
Hannes Oosthuizen: Eerr, okay. The first one is a Pagani Zonda.
CL: Sorry, a what?
HO: P-A-G-A-N-I Zonda.
CL: Never heard of that before… Where are you calling from again?
HO: CAR magazine ma’m.
CL: Okay, can you spell that name for me?
HO: Sure. The make is P-A-G-A-N-I, and the model is a Zonda, Z-O-N-D-A.
CL: …N-D-A. Okay. And the next one??
HO: OK, please bear with me. It is a Lamborghini Gallardo Superleggera.
CL: Eeerr, are you having me on? Who is this?
(It’s at this point that my laughter begins, mildly at first, but builds)
HO: No, really mam. It’s also an Italian car… for a CAR magazine test.(Sudhir! Stop giggling!)
CL: What’s your name? HO: Hannes Oosthuizen, I’m the deputy editor.
CL: OK, and the last one.
HO (now also beginning to pack up…): You probably won’t believe this… It is a, er, Spyker.
CL: Come on! Who is this? I can hear you laughing!
HO: (tears rolling down his face). No really… it is a Dutch car. Made by a firm called Spyker.
CL: S-P-Y-K-E-R?
HO: Yes, that’s right. But it helps if you pronounce it Spaaiker.
CL: Okay. Could you provide me with approximate values of the cars you would like to transport?
HO: Sure. Er, the Lamborghini is about three million.
(By now my laughter is barely controllable at the thought of this misbelieving lady at the other end. Road test engineer Palm has also realised the ridiculousness of the conversation and has joined in too)
CL: You must be joking. Three?!
HO: No mam. I assure you, that is the actual value of this car.
CL: Are you sure?
HO: Yes mam.
CL: Okay, and the Spaaiker?
HO: That is about 4 million rand.
CL: C’mon, man. I can still hear that guy laughing.
HO: Mam, I swear, I’m from CAR magazine and these cars are all special sportscars from Europe.
CL: FOUR million?
(Hannes now fully realises how this must sound, he too has begun to laugh, a bit too much for her liking.)
CL: Are you sure that you’re not taking the pi**??
HO: Yes mam.
CL: And the last one?
HO: Er, the Pagani is a private car, and the only one in the country. I think you’re looking at about ten millon.
(I can only imagine that she’s not pleased with this “crank call”, though little does she realise how honest Hannes is being)
CL: OK, (prematurely ending the call). Thanks for calling.
HO: Hang on! Don’t you want my contact details to call me back.
CL: Oh sure, let me just get my pen.
HO: It’s 084-***-****.
CL: Got it, thanks.
(The reply was too quick for her to have written it down – HO)
HO: You sure? Can I also give you my landline number?
CL: If you must
HO: 021-530-3100
CL: Goodbye sir.
CLICK.
PS. We have never received a quote from this carrier company…
