Valentine’s Day is upon us, but will the car you drive aid your planned romantic venture, or will it be a hindrance instead? Jasmine explores…
No sugar-coating, girls are superficial and anyone who says, “What my man drives doesn’t bother me” is trying to lie her way out of something. And many guys’ cars tread that very tenuous line between a friendly goodnight peck on the cheek and more erm… intense after-dinner action.
Any guy hosting any intention of getting really close with his hot date this Valentine’s Day should understand that the kind of car he drives will radically affect his chances of scoring with his lady of that particular night.
No self-respecting upwardly mobile being would ever want to be spotted driving anything older than six years. Old cars are just not cool, but old cars with serious mods are even more un-cool. And while the girl may not object outright to being blitzed to Monday night’s romantic rendevous point in your swanky Ford Cortina (complete with flames emblazoned across the sides), hours of backyard fun do not necessarily translate into hours of back seat fun.
Mercedes-Benz and Volvo station wagons are out, as are Renault and Peugeot MPVs or any other vehicles bearing even a slight resemblance to these monstrosities. They scream “family-man”, and sampling an MPV-toting man (they seem to be all the range and I sure can’t see why) is not generally advised, even sans the ring. I suspect that even married specimens would have trouble convincing their wives to snuggle up to them. An extra glass or five of champers with the mandatory V-Day dinner should help to numb the pain though…
Fortunately for some guys who would otherwise be referred to as anatomically-challenged, females are generally impressed with guys who dart about in Cherokees, X3s and even the ill-fated Freelander. However these superficial beings would think twice about hopping into something less glam, like the Land Rover Defender or the host of workhorse 4X4s littering our roads and driven by real men.
Sporty hot hatches, like the Golf 4 GTI, Alfa’s 147 GTA or the strapping new A3 3,2 are bound to get you some after-dinner action, since ladies are inclined to see whether you would display as much aplomb around their curves as you would while piloting one of these. Assuming of course, you drive it as it is meant to be driven, since causing your fair companion to drift into a blissful sleep as you potter about at 40 km/h is unacceptable. Get her adrenalin rushing instead by supplying seat-of-the-pants fun, provided its safe to do so and you’re not playing highway slalom with her holding on for dear life.
If you have to impress, get a late-model sports car instead, since this will always ensure you score extra points. The great significance of your pockmarked 24-year-old Porsche 928, albeit with an immaculate engine, will be utterly lost on her, though. Rambling on about it will simply compound the problem – she already has do deal with the cramped seating arrangements scrunching up her designer tulle, lace and chiffon ensemble.
Dropping the roof of your S4 should score you loads of points; if it’s a clear night and all the stars are out, add 250 points, but if there’s a downpour and your roof mechanism becomes stuck, subtract 500.
If you don’t own a cabriolet or performance car, and offer to scrounge one for your big night out, add fifty points. If your plan falls flat and you rock up in your trusty Daihatsu Charade instead, you forfeit all your points and any chances of scoring with that particular female, as well as all the girls she knows or ever will know again.
Here’s the deal – if you drive a Daihatsu and some chick displays an interest in you, its definitely not because she is into you. She probably thinks you’re about as virile as the common garden earthworm and felt she had to show you some pity. (Basically, you’re a dead man.)
Save face and get a taxi instead. Better yet, loan your mommy’s Volvo station wagon, dating from the early 80s – that should be fun!
