This story is unusual because our workshop didn’t solve the mystery. In fact, we never even worked on the car. I got involved because my friend Poena Visagie, who restores old cars, turned to me for advice.
After replacing the combined intake and exhaust manifold on a 1966 Chrysler Valiant he could not get the engine to start. It did not stumble or cough, but just whined away under the action of the starter.
Poena then checked the ignition timing manually by utilising a small radio, set off-station, to tell him when the points opened.
He also removed the air-cleaner to see if there was any sign of fuel in the carburettor throat. Both systems seemed to be fine, so he tried to start it again. No luck.
Then he removed the top of the carb to see whether the jets were blocked, and even removed the idling mixture adjustment screw to blow air through the open passage. Still, no luck.
By this time the battery showed very little enthusiasm to rotate the starter motor, so Poena put it on charge and ‘phoned me for advice.
By this time he was clutching at straws so I told him to make sure the static timing was correct by removing the number one spark plug and sticking the end of his finger into the hole to make sure the piston came up under compression when the rotor pointed to the number one plug.
The Valiant distributor has a skew gear at the end of its shaft that mates with a gear on the camshaft, so that one can easily be one or more teeth out when timing an engine statically. I also suggested taking compression readings.
Poena later confirmed that the timing was correct, but the compression readings were weird. The pressures were not only low but varied by more than 30 per cent between cylinders. He knew that the variation in readings was more important than the actual values, so he checked the valve clearances, but found they were not too far out.
The obvious step was to whip the manifold off again to see if there was obstruction in the ports. While undoing the manifold, Poena suddenly remembered that he had blocked the intake and exhaust passages in the manifold with paper plugs to prevent dirt entering while he cleaned the gasket faces.
He found that the paper in the intake ports had migrated to sit just behind the valves, but the paper in the exhaust ports was out of sight. When the paper was removed, and the manifold replaced, the engine started.
One of the first items that appeared out of the exhaust pipe was the four paper plugs. Poena was mortified, but I consoled him with the thought that there are advantages to having a bad memory. I just cannot remember what they are.