In Part 1 under this heading, I spoke of control “surfaces” and my views as to whether or not the manual gearbox qualified. Whether you agree or not you’ll still be needing to accessorise, accessorise… With decent headlights and equally decent wipers/wiper action, of course.
All modern cars seem to have these licked. These days it’s reassuring to note that manufacturers acknowledge the importance of dipped beam performance, which is the natural operating status of headlights if you think about it. And if the night-driving prohibitive lights on my classic Mercedes Benz SL are typical of the ’80s (or was that just Mercedes, the W124 was worse) , well, then things have truly changed for the better.
Yet I expect more from wipers. A fetish which comes from childhood ever since us four terrified kids complimented by a highly strung mother had to sit out severe cloudbursts in a fogged up and leaky ancient DKW because of its pathetic on again, off again wipers. It was in those formative years that I was subliminally awakened to the lack of equality of the sexes. Because my Dad always had the “big” (read “decent”) car which should surely have been the other way round.
Of course the usual suspects must be covered. Smooth, effective, quiet, multi-speed, and a range of intermittent settings. Even rain sensor awakened for those who couldn’t live without it, but which I still think is another bit of nonsense that could malfunction. And does. At which point people will be left fumbling for that forgotten manual over-ride switch. If it exists.
But what of wiper aesthetics? After all, they’re directly in your face in the same way as a sculptured dashboard and a pleasing steering wheel are. And if you are in any doubt as to the joy that these two could bring, look no further than the zany candyman inspired dash and wheel of the Spyker C8.
You can forget about the Mercedes single-wiper system. That was a novelty for about two dances in a torrential downpour after which its full-speed setting was distracting, alarming, and got you giddy. All the while rocking the car from side to side, which wasn’t cool. And of course it chewed blades.
But take if you will the two blades on my aforementioned classic ’80s SL. They’re very oddball. They’re really fun. Clearly it seems as if Mercedes thought so too. Whether right or left hand drive, they will rest in front of the driver, where they play hide and seek with the instrument binnacle for your viewing pleasure. And where they fold at an odd angle to each other, just like the out-stretched paws of our cat when she’s at her elongated full-rack. What’s more, this Edward Scissorhands obliqueness carries through into the wipe- action.
And I really like that. Just the mood enhancer you need for wet conditions, then.
